The Word 15/The Word 15 (Disk 2 of 2).adf/Files/09-BootBlockWibbles.txt/09-BootBlockWibbles.txt

Text File | 1997-06-30 | 11KB | 263 lines

$fff|1-BOOTBLOCK TYPES
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|1-ABOUT STUFF ...
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$fe0                                   By
$fb0                          BootBlock/TerraForm
$8ed
Okay  me  ickle (TFI Friday is a bit poo!) children, here are some of my
thorts  (gimme  `em back when you're finished, okay?) that don't exactly
$9edwarrant a seperate article each .....

$f30
|1-RED DWARF
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$f80
Well,  what  can  I  say  about the best programme in the whole god-damn
world?
$f90
Is  there  gonna  be  a  7th  series?   Or has it finished for good, all
because  Chris Barrie wanted to "develope" that fooking `Gorden Brittas'
$fa0character tosser in The Brittas Empire?  Stupid gitty-git.

Hey,  what  about  the  O  sexy red gurl?  Kochanski?  PWOAR!  I `fink I
$fb0might  be  in  lURVE!  Chloë Annett, I even know her name, so I must be!
It's  that  smile!   And  when she laffs, OOOH!  (damn, I've just had an
$fb0accident in me pants ....)

Anyway,  why  did the bloody BBC keep us all waiting for at least over a
$fc0year  before putting series 6 (the last one, as far as I know anyway) on
the  telly?   When  do  the  rest of the world get to see it?  And guess
$fd0what?   Red  Dwarf  had a budget just big enough to by a packet of salty
peanuts!  A messie to Grant & Naylor...  KEEP THE BLADDY SERIES GOING!
$fff
         [The BBC, fickle as ever, were waiting for the result
         of Craig's Raspe trial, as soon as it was over he got a
         part in The Bill (as a teacher) and the new series
         started filming - D!]
$fc0
Crime Traveller is pretty good (only coz Chloë is in it!) ....

$4af
|1-BAND WAGON JUMPERS
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$6af
I really hate these people.  People that get into summat just because of
$7afall  the  hype.  These include the people who join the InterNET (look, I
$8aflike  typing it like that, OKAY?) and have NO IDEA what the hell they're
$9afdoing.

$aafIf it was up to me (which of course it isn't), everyone has to pass some
$bafkind  of test (a rite of passage, as it were).  For example knowing some
$cafHTML  tags  and  explaining what addresses (pooter wise) are.  Of course
$dafpeople who use Amigas and know how to do simple-ish things (manipulating
$eaffiles via the Shell, etc) don't have to "pass the test".

$fafApparently,  raytracing  peeps  need  to do a raytrace of a train-set as
$fbfsome  sort  of  rite of passage (that's what D!ck sez anyway).  But why?
$fcfPeople  that  can  raytrace  surely  must  know what they're doing.  But
$fdfpeople  on  the  InterNET  don't.   I  can't do a train-set, as creating
$fefobjects  is  WEIRD.   Using  4  different  view-points  (top,  sides and
$fffperspective)  to  create  the  object,  it  looks  good.   But once I've
$fefrendered/raytraced  it,  is  looks shagged!  Anyway, me processor (020 @
$fdf28Mhz)  isn't  fast  enough for me to experiment as much as I'd like to.
$fcfI'm just getting into using fog effects now.  I'm using Cinema4D II (the
$fbfImagine  programs  are  SHITE!),  hopefully  I'll  have  v3 so I can use
$fafvisible  light  effects (fireballs, lasers, etc).  Real3D V2 looks good,
$f9fbut  I  keep  getting a bloody Guru (8000000B) whenever I try to run it.
$f8fIt was given away on a AmigaFormat coverdisc (as was Cinema4D II).

$f8eI  also  H8  (hate)  people  that use massively hyped words (Information
$f8eSuperHighway,  Surfing  the  `NET,  and  other  such  gobshite) and they
$f8chaven't got a CLUE what they're talking `bout.

$f8a
|1-THE MOON
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$fa8Look,  I know what I'm talking `bout here.  The sun IS the other side of
$fb8the  moon!   Why  doesn't anyone believe me?  (hey, this is exactly what
$fc8Kryten  said  when  he  was talking about how heavy Kochanski's lingerie
$fc7was!)  Ahh,  "What about when you can see the sun & the moon at the same
$fc6time  and  they're  at  the opposite ends of the sky?".  Easy, there's a
$fc5great  big glass dome around the earth and it's just a dodgy reflection.
$fc4Where'd  you think the blue in the sky comes from?  If it wasn't for the
$fc3dome, the sky wouldn't be *any* colour.

$8f8
|1-TRACING PAPER BOG ROLL
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Ahhh...  it's the ye ol' tracing paper/bog roll peanut (chestnuts always
$8fcget  the  credit).  If you've ever had the mis-fortune of using a public
$8fdbog  for  a  dump, you'll no doubt have tried wiping yer botty with this
$8festuff.  Before you know it, you've got poo spread all over yer back like
$8ffa  chocolate spread sarnie.  I haven't been to any public bogs for years
$8ff(thank  gord!),  so the goverment might have replaced that tracing paper
$8efwith something a bit more absorbant than a varnished wooden floor.
$fff
[Yeah, they have, but people keep nicking it - D!]

$8dfIf  you  want  to create the effect of spreading poo all over your back,
$8cfjust  subsitute  your  super  absorbant  poo  roll for a floppy (ploppy,
$8bfgeddit?)  disk  and you'll see how far a lump of plop can go (try adding
$8afsome  raw  mashed  spuds to it, it goes MUCH further).  If you're lucky,
$89fyou may have enough to paint your dog with whats left.

$99fDo  you  want  to  see what seaweed looks like after you've digested it,
$a9fWITHOUT  actually  eating  any?  Just eat lots of lettuce, and then when
$b9fyou  have  a  plop,  you'll  see  it  floating mid-way in the bog water!
$c9fMagic!

$ff4
|1-MUSIC
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"C'mon, dance wiv me, move your body, dance wiv me", etc...

$cf4That's  enough of that.  It appears EN-GAR-LUND (yeeee!) is becoming the
$bf4MUSIC CAPITAL of the world.  Good!  Okay, here are the official (um....)
$af4"capitals" of the world ....
$7ff
    MUSIC          - England.
$8ff    GENERAL TELLY  - England (see later).
$9ff    TELLY SOAPS    - England/Austrailia (Aussie is VERY debateable!).
$aff    FILMS          - America (bollockin' wankers!).
$bff    FEMALES        - England.
$cff    HEALTH SERVICE - England. (this is a FACT!)
$cfe    SWEETS         - England. (best chocky ever!)
$cfd    SHEEPS         - New Zealand. (where's the old one go, then?)
$cfc    VIOLATORS      - Spain.
$cfb    MOOSES         - Canada.
$cfa    PLAIN SCARY    - Russia.
$cf9    SPAZ CENTRAL   - Brussels, Germany.

$cfaSee  my  other  article  "American  GiTS!"  to see what exactly I've got
$cfbagainst  the  Americans,  and why I chose England as the "General Telly"
$cfccapital (coz America sure ain't).

$cecDid  you know the Spice Girls are the supposed to be the most successful
$cdcband  of  ALL TIME at this very moment in time?  Well, ya do now!  Mel-C
$cccis  still  me  fave!   She  looks very cute when she's got her hair down
$cbcand lookin' sexy, but Chloë Annett IS THE BABETTE OF ALL TIME!

$cbdHas  anyone  seen  the  lead  singer  gal of Jam & Spoon?  She has a gr8
$cbevoice....  wunda wot she luks lyke .....

$fc7
|1-NO FWILLS
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$f87WARNING:   We,  TrF-RipOffs,  have  discovered that the Spegetthi (god I
$f88hate  trying  to spell that word) from the No Frills label tastes like a
$f89Dentist's  sterile  glove.   Very  synthetic, makes yer mouth tingle and
$f8adries  rock hard on contact.  Be careful, without any warning, you might
$f8bget  a big needle shoved into yer gums and you might hear a voice saying
$f8c"Okay.... now, this won't hurt a bit" ....  Yaaarrggghhhh!

$88f
|1-DENTISTS
$89f
$8af
$8bf
$8beI  absolutely  refuse  to  believe anyone that says Dentists are here to
$8bdhelp us.  If they are, how come my dentist tries to hurt me every chance
$8bche  gets  ??  I thought I just had to go for a check-up, but guess what?
$8bbBefore I knew it, I had a sand-blaster in me gob spurting blood all over
$8bathe fookin' place.  He said it was just a jet of water.  Me pooh hole it
$8b9was!   It  felt like a bit of hot metal.  While he was "jetting away", I
$8b8thought  I  was gonna drown (the scariest way to go methinks)!  After he
$8b7had finished, there was blood on my jacket (yup D!ck, THAT blue one!), I
$8b6had a gob full of blood and I was in immense pain.
$fb6
The tosser wants me to go back soon for a checkup, ha ha...  right.

$97f
|1-EDUCATION
$a7f
$b7f
$c7f
A  slightly  more serious subject here.  I have always hated school, and
$d7ftwagged  ("bunked  off")  all  the time.  I absolutely hated, coz it was
$e7fSHITE!  What did I learn?  The most useful (and painful!) thing I learnt
$f7fwas, how to get beaten up.  Yeh, very useful I'm sure.

$f7eThinking about it, I don't `fink I've "suffered" at all.  Me spelling is
$f7dpretty good (well I think it is) and I'm not totally stupid (erm....).

$f7cBut  the  thing  is,  the people that I know that went to school all the
$f7btime  and  they're  now  at college, can't spell properly at all.  But I
$f7acan.

$f79Me  sister's  video  recorder shagged itself about a week ago, we phoned
$f78the  Radio  Rentals  bloke  (we  bought it from Radio Rentals and it was
$f77under  3 months warranty (I can't spell that word that begins with "Gua"
$f76properly!)  and  he came to have a gander at it.  Am I the only that has
$f86noticed  this,  that whatever you tell them, they totally ignore you?  I
$f96told  him that there's fuzz when playing a tape, he tried it but it just
$fa6HAPPENED  to  work  properly when he tried it (donch'a just HATE it when
$fb6that  happens??).   So I told him to try another tape (the Turtles film)
$fc6to show him what normally happens when it goes all fuzzy.  He said there
$fd6was  a crack on the plastic.  But I just wanted him to play it so he can
$fe6see  what HAPPENS when it DOES go fuzzy, as the Turtles tape creates the
$ff6same  effect.   He  just  wouldn't  have any of it.  Any-bloody-way, the
$ef6crack  on  the tape was TINY and on the outside, so it had NOTHING to do
$df6with the quality of playback.  The stupid twat.

$de6Anyway,  back  to  the point.  When I told him everything that was wrong
$dd6with  it, he wrote it all down.  I later had a look at the bit of paper,
$dc6he  can't even spell !  He spelt "Quality" as "Qualitee" and summat else
$db6I've forgotten.  Doh!
$777
                                  ---
$fef
Anyway,  that's  all I can be BUMHOLED to type (and the filesize of this
$fdfarticle  is over 9k now), AND I've got to insert a load of colour codes!
$fcfArgh!
$fbf
So I'll leave you with ......

$fff                                              · ·
|2-CHLOE
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|2-ANNETT ?
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|2-PWOAR!
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$c7f
Um...   you  lot  don't  know how lucky you are,  I had to put all these
$c9fcolours  in seperately and it took me bluddy AGES !  Why do I do it, eh?
$fff
[Because you're a sad man - D! (in plain, dull, PURE White)]

$fe0                                Signed
$fb0                          BootBlock/TerraForm